I'm Tired of Racism by Sharon Hurley Hall

Author:Sharon Hurley Hall
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sharon Hurley Hall
Published: 2022-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

18

Oh, The Gaslighting

A white person’s need for comfort does not negate my experience as a Black woman

Let’s get something straight: I recognize racism when I see it.

As Rebecca Stevens Alder pointed out in “I Don’t See That I Am Black, You Do,” I’ve had plenty of time to hone those skills.

I’ve seen the surprise when I walk into an interview room, I’ve had my qualifications and expertise doubted, I’ve been offered reduced pay, I’ve been fetishized, and I’ve been targeted while traveling.

So let me say it again: I know racism when I see it and when I experience it.

That’s why when I read an article on racist phrases to avoid — in which Ono Mergen said, “We know full well when something is racist. Stop questioning us and start challenging the status quo” — I jumped in with the following comment: “So tired of well-meaning people trying to explain away a racist microaggression. When you experience racism regularly, you always recognize it.”

Several people took exception to that, but one white man in particular saw my comment about recognizing racism as a statement that he was racist. And truly, it wasn’t about him.

(Of course, he tried to make it about him by writing an entire article to support his own claim that he was not racist — which, to be clear, I had never accused him of. I was having a conversation with the author of the piece I’d just read.)

Someone else jumped into the conversation by implying that Black people see racism everywhere.

All I’m going to say here is: we see it where it exists. You can draw your own conclusions about whether that’s everywhere or not.

I have to admit, I’m tired of the gaslighting. For some white people, the fact that they were unaware of racist intentions is absolution in their own eyes. However, that’s not enough for most Black people.

It’s the old issue of intention versus impact. Let’s talk about that in relation to parenting. When two kids are throwing a ball to each other, and one accidentally hits the other with it, we teach them to apologize for the impact, even if the intention wasn’t there. It should be the same with racism, which is way more serious.

If I, as a Black woman or BIPOC, tell you how your words or actions affect me, that’s enough reason to 1) apologize and 2) never do it again.

Gaslighting is not a reasonable response.

I don’t want to hear that I imagined it or I can’t take a joke or any of the myriad comments that minimize my justified pain.

I don’t want to be blamed when I’m actually the victim, and I certainly don’t want my tone policed.

I don’t want to be asked if I’m sure or told that it’s not about race.

I don’t need people to play devil’s advocate for racists — they’ve already had it their way for centuries.

I want you to apologize, mean it, and do better.

As I pointed out in my further response to the self-appointed gaslighter:

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